the one about taking time off
Before I begin this weeks blog, I want to add a very important caveat about this topic, which is…”if you are able to” (take time off). I want to recognize and honor that there are many people who may be reading this blog that do not have the ability to do this “little thing” due to financial or other commitments. My actions at the close of the blog will include actions for those who are not able to participate in the way that I’m sharing about for a majority of my story, so that you can take the action for yourselves and don’t need to take a significant amount of time off.
This week’s topic is about taking time off. When I say “taking time off” this is in the corporate American sense of - stepping away from the full time job you’re working for a distinct amount of time, logging off, going offline, taking vacation etc. whatever it is you want to call it. It is intentionally disconnecting from the day to day work responsibilities to instead focus on leisure activities: travel, family celebration, home improvement projects - whatever! Just needs to be something completely different than the day-to-day work experience.
Disconnecting from work is not something I do very often. I’ve been at the organization I work for for almost 5 years. I have many responsibilities and also work with a DYNAMITE team and we are always working hard to find creative ways to solve problems. I’ve been able to be a part of an unforgettable journey of growth and transformation -for our customers, our company and my professional development. I’m incredibly grateful for the privilege I’ve had at this organization for so many reasons and as it relates to this topic, for their PTO policy.
In January of this year, my recently engaged brother and his soon-to-be spouse shared that they were entertaining the idea of a wedding celebration abroad. Now my father competes annually in an IronMan length race in Germany every summer which many of us go and watch and this gave our family a good anchor point. My dad and brother and his fiancee worked together to maneuver schedules and dates to plan the two special events close together to graciously limit people’s back and forth flying a bit. It was settled: the first weekend would be my Dad’s race in Germany, the second weekend my brother and his lovely fiance's wedding in the French countryside.
For me, it would mean requesting about 2 weeks of paid-time-off (PTO) which, for many American companies, is quite a long time to step away from work. (My European’s out there may chuckle, but for us US-based folks it’s a “big deal”). I spoke with my manager about this early on and offered to bring my laptop, call in to certain meetings if needed, move projects forward etc, but he told me- “Brianna, just take the time off. Equip your team as best you can, and yes, maybe there will be 1 or 2 things you’ll need to check on (as one never knows everything about what could be happening in July when planning in February) but truly, I want you to take the time to be with your family.”
Well first of all, I’ve got an incredible boss! Second of all, this gave me the support and the freedom I needed. It allowed me the head space to start budgeting, planning and getting excited! It also kickstarted me to start working with my team to prepare them. Over the next few months I made sure that the initiatives I was working on, the people I was working with and my team’s timelines were well aligned so that the majority of projects could run smoothly while I was out.
So, in early July I was able to spend two glorious weeks with my family in Europe. (I may have mentioned before that I have a very direct connection with Germany - grew up there, have family there, speak the language fluently and completed my graduate school outside of Nürnberg.) During grad school, I made some truly dear friends, and we've stayed connected through the years. Every time we reunite, it's a deep, soul-filling joy.
My husband (who was experiencing mainland Europe for the first time!) and son (who had been to Europe previously but he’s two so…has no memory and likely will not remember this either) and I all packed our way too many bags and we were off!
We did everything! We stayed with friends who have kids and let them run wild! We ate pretzels and schnitzel and sausages galore, did some required touristy things like spinning the golden wheel to make a wish on the Schöner Brunnen in the main Nürnberg market equare, ran across the finish line with my dad at “Challenge Roth,” roadtripped 12 hours to stay in a fairytale-style chateau in rural France 3 days for my brothers wedding.
We had the incredible honor of being a part of his wedding (my husband and toddler as the “flower boys”) and myself reading a special prayer to bless the couple. We danced the night away, our 2 year old of course stealing the show with his moves. We took the train to Paris, got caught in a downpour at Versailles, ate crepes outside of Notre Dame and even had our flight home cancelled so *alas* poor us, we had to stay one more day in Paris so we even got to see an exhibit at the Musee d’ Art Moderne of one of my favorite artists, Gabriele Münter - who’s work and life I wrote my Master’s Thesis about.
We spent time just BEING alive and being TOGETHER.
This is at the heart of this post. The act of BEING. I didn’t check my calendar once. I rarely wrote or responded to my personal email inbox, I didn’t look at work email or slack to “see what was waiting for me”. I was intentionally engaged with my entire family, immediate and extended and etched the most sweet memories in my heart and strengthened our love and connection. I had forgotten what this was like. I get so caught up in the day to day rushing of being a “working mom” trying desperately to do it all: kill it at work, invest in my marriage, parent my son gently, keep up my strong friendships and a social life, take care of my body, connect with my Higher Power, keep our house hygienic (though not necessarily organized) enough to live in and clean-ish clothes on our backs. It is all so cliche, but it’s impossible and my own life starts whizzing by me without me realizing it. I don’t want to live like that.
I know that a vacation is a manufactured experience full of leisure time, new adventures and disposable income. I know that everyday can’t be vacation and I know that if it was, it wouldn’t feel as special. I also know that there are parts of my time away that I want to carry forward with me: less phone checking, less over-planning, less managing everyone else’s experiences and feelings while not equally valuing my own. More REAL, distraction-free time with my son and my husband, my friends, my parents, my brothers and their wives. More time eating gelato vs tracking macros, walking outside instead of on my walking-pad, more late afternoon espressos in the sun just for the taste than chugging weak pod-spewed coffee at 10 p.m. to stay up late to finish “just one more thing.”
Stepping away gave me that brief space to lift up my head from the routine, look around and see what I want to change. And guess what? I’m doing it! Tuesday night is family night. Work lap-top closes by 5:30 p.m. and it’s just our little family. Nothing fancy, might be a walk to the park, might be me and my husband doing dishes together while our little one whizzes in between the living room and the back patio –doesn’t matter. It’s our time together. I’m putting exercise blocks on the calendar, the same way I would a work meeting, so that I have the time saved to honor it. I’m calling friends when I’m driving even if it’s just for a few minutes to say hi. Little by little I’m bringing my vacation life to my routine life in the hopes that the center of the Venn diagram overlaps just a tiny bit more.
So…my tiny action for you today:
Plan time off in the next 30 days: Whether a week, a day, an afternoon or an hour, look at your calendar, find a pocket (or make a pocket) of time and BOOK IT.
Create your boundaries for yourself during this time away. This is time for you to step away from your routine and do something that makes you slow down, get mindful and just enJOY the experience of living. For me it meant no work email/slack/meetings - for you it might mean something else. If you can take an hour vs a week - be thoughtful about how you can spend that hour resting, rejuvenating and cherishing the full 60 mins.
Take the time off! It’s not enough just to book it and set the boundaries, you need to follow through with it too.
Be present in the time. Savor it. Do what’s outside your norm. If you chose a short break to read a book, go read in a nearby park or cafe. If you take a day, instead of catching up on all of the backlog of chores- chose the top 3 that have been nagging you and chose one thing you do for yourself- like go get lunch solo!
Reflect on your observations, experiences and choose ONE thing you will bring back over into your routine life. Then, practice that consistently ;-)
I’ll be back soon with more little things… but I’d love to hear from you! Did you take some time off? What did you do? How did it feel? What have you carried over into your daily life?
