the blog about saying thank you (in writing!)
Have you ever done something nice and not gotten any acknowledgement? Maybe you cooked a delicious healthy meal for your toddler and they decided to put it in their hair rather than their mouth. Maybe you went out of your way to clean the kitchen for your spouse and they just walk in the door and pour themselves some water, smile and walk out the room with no acknowledgement of your swiffering? Maybe you went above and beyond for a co-worker and they say nothing about it in the next stand-up meeting…? The list could go on and on.
How did it feel? For me, these all feel pretty dejecting (minus maybe the toddler example, since they are a well, toddler - but sometimes tbh that stings too!) Lack of thanks often leads to resentment, frustration and disconnection…but there is an antidote (I’m sure you can guess it…)
But first…a story:
Last week I went to visit a friend in Los Angeles. We have been friends for over 20 years and were meeting up to go see the Beyonce concert together (she isn’t making a stop in the Bay Area this time, to my grave disappointment)
My friend was extremely generous: they comped my flight by buying it for me with points, picked me up at the LA airport (which is a symbol of generosity in itself as that place is ALWAYS packed and traffic-y.) They drove me to their home, where we were going to get ready for the concert and meet up with some of their friends. I still had some work I needed to finish so they set me up in the guest room and gave me time and space to think. After 90 minutes, I could hear the music and laughter in the other room, so I paused my work and I came out to enjoy the food and festivities before we all headed out to the concert.
The seats my friend had gotten us were INCREDIBLE - spitting distance from the stage, I have never been that close to a world famous performer in my life. The night was unforgettable and energizing and so so fun! I could go on and on but basically for the rest of my time there my friend was gracious, generous and the ultimate host. I thanked them profusely throughout our time and tried to be specific with my thank-yous “Thank you for getting my flight and the tickets” “thank you for organizing the transportation to and from the concert” “thank you for picking me up,” “thank you for giving me the space and time to work” etc.. but at the end of our two day adventure, the verbalization of my thanks still didn’t feel like enough for the experience I had been given.
My parents raised me with their expectation of manners: you take it out- you put it back, you make a mess- you clean it up, you address adults with respect, you share what you have with others, and MOST IMPORTANTLY you always say please and thank you. The please and thank you has stuck with me over the years, and it’s something we’ve taught my young son from an early age first with baby sign language and now with “words” though please sounds like yelling PEEEEEAS! And thank you is “TANK UHU” in a singsongy voice, but we know what he means to say and we always acknowledge it with praise when he does.
Saying thank you is vital: in the moment, shortly after the fact, or even years later, and the specificity shows what I’m actually thankful for. It honors that another person has done something nice, that I see it, I feel it and appreciate it. But sometimes ‘just’ saying thank you doesn’t feel reflective of the gratitude I feel. My first thought is usually “a gift! Ah-ha! I need to buy them something!” but that can often feel empty and/or can been financially draining. So, instead, in recent years, I’ve turned to the old-fashioned written thank you card.
Wait what?! A written thank you card? Isn’t that just a waste of paper? Just text them already! Send an email! Why write something?
Well, because it’s uncommon, takes time and thought and shows that you care about the person you’re thanking. Now, to bring some modernity to it all, it doesn't’ HAVE to be handwritten, but it’s best to be a three-dimensional card (not an e-card). If you’re pressed for time (or have terrible handwriting and don’t have time to buy stamps at the post-office like me) then one company that is amazing for these types of gestures is postable, not only can you write cards and have them stamped and sent, you can also have personalize the heck out of them AND have them automated!
So for this card, in order to say a proper thank you to my friend, I dowloaded a picture of us from the concert and used that as the backdrop for my card that looks somewhat like a magazine cover. I wrote an inside joke on the front, and a heartfelt thank you on the inside. It should arrive today (so if they are reading this blog, my surprise is now gone!) Now my friend has received a physical token of my thanks, a photo of us that (hopefully!) is the “gift that keeps on giving” as it is a reminder of of the memory that they can fondly remember whenever they see the card.
So, my tiny actions for you today are:
Think of one person in the last 2 weeks that’s done something nice for you (can be small!)
Write them a thank you note (if a text is easiest start with that)
BONUS: write them a physical card and mail it to them! (Remember- postable can help you!)
But, but, the person I’m thinking of is my co-worker and I don’t know their address! You can:
1) ask them!
2) send a note to your office manager and have it sent to corporate HQ asking that it be forwarded to them
3) google their address and send it anyway ;-) jk - don’t be creepy
Now think back to my opening questions…let’s flip it: have you ever had someone thank you for something very specifically AND in put it in writing? Better yet on physical paper? What did that feel like? How connected to humanity did you feel moment? How much joy was added to rest of your day look after you received that thanks? What great idea did that small thank you unleash in you since you felt so seen and appreciated?
Imagine if you could bring that joy to someone else- but wait you don’t have to imagine it, you can! That’s the power of a small gesture, like saying thank you in writing! In a world that feels sharp, chaotic, uncertain, finger-pointing and blame-seeking, this is a tiny action that can have huge impact– human connection. A reminder that we are all just doing our best and we are grateful for the kindness we receive.
P.S. For those who are following my adventures: I did it! I ran the whole 5K, no walking AND while being extremely uncomfortable because I did not time my hydration correctly and needed to pee the entire race (lol). One of my dear siblings ran with me and my hubby and son and a family friend cheered us on. It was wholesome and lovely and FUN! And a lot easier than I imagined.
Now I’m signing up for a 10k in September! (Can you believe it?! Cause I can’t…)
I’ll be back next week with more little things… but I’d love to hear from you! What little things have a big impact for you? What helps you feel connected, grounded and appreciated? How do you carry that forward to others?
P.S. None of this is sponsored, these are just products that I like. Not endorsing them for you just saying they worked for me!
