the blog about keeping your promises
My son recently turned two years old and he is OBSESSED with fire-trucks, “fi-ya chuck” as he likes to call them. We live near a fire-station and he points them out everytime we drive by (which is daily on his way home from daycare). He has not one but TWO fire-truck toys (complete with adorable tiny fire-fighters) that whirl and beep and do all the sounds and he LOVES these toy trucks. When we are anywhere out in the world and he sees a fire-engine he stops what he’s doing and stares with that look of utter amazement and awe which is so captivating and one of the things I love about kids - their absolute wonder at the things we don’t even notice anymore.
Last Friday, when coming home from daycare, my husband, Dennis, told me about how he and our son were walking by the fire station and one of the firefighters happened to be there and spoke with them. The firefighter told my husband that if they wanted to come back the next day (Saturday) between 10 a.m. and 12 p.m. that he would happily give them a tour of the fire station AND let our son sit in the fire engine, and in fact, they open the station to the public every Saturday for just this kind of thing!
As my husband is relaying the story of this interaction that evening, he says to me “I really want to take him tomorrow” - to which I remind him that we already have other plans tomorrow morning. While it’s possible for us to readjust, it will require him to rearrange his own plans. It will also mean a lot of driving for him to come and meet me and our son on the other side of town in order to get him to the fire station before noon the next day. He thinks about it for a bit, clearly trying to figure out what to do and I can see he is torn.
(Quick side note: as I mentioned, my son is two years old, and while I of course think he is brilliant, I also understand that he is still mostly unaware of grown-up conversations and the complexity of comprehending the concept of “tomorrow” (one of the reasons they are so utterly and beautifully present in the moment, all they know is right now!) He probably had no idea what Dennis and the firefighter were discussing and much less that he might actually be able to sit INSIDE a fire engine the next morning.)
(Ok back to the story)...I interrupt his thoughts with, “Babe, don’t worry about it, you can go the next Saturday remember? They are open every weekend, he won’t know the difference!” Dennis looks at me and responds with quiet sincerity and conviction, “But I will. I made a promise to him and I intended on keeping it. When I was growing up, I had adults in my life who made a lot of promises and plans that they didn’t follow through on and I don’t want to be like that to our son.”
WOW! You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. Here I am just bustling through the plans, coordinating, and telling my husband “eeeeh - who cares, what our kiddo won’t know won’t hurt him” and he is taking this as seriously as a three year B2B contract. And you know what? He’s right! And I LOVE THAT about my husband: his sincerity, integrity and loyalty. His desire to model to the behavior and values to our son that we want to raise him with: when you say you’re going to do something - you do it! Why? It builds trust, and trust is the most critical foundation for any relationship and human connection.
Think about yourself- your life. Could be work, personal, romantic etc. Think about the last time someone committed to do something…and didn’t:
“I’ll reply by end of day” on a project you really need their input on and 2 weeks later still waiting on the response. Now your project is delayed…
“I’ll call you right back!” a friend who you really needed guidance from for a critical persona crisis. No phone ringing for days and you’re feeling unsettled and disconnected from them…
“I’ll discuss this with X and get back to you” - and it’s clear from the next meeting with X that not only was this not discussed but in fact you’re blindsided by a completely new direction…
Now, think about the time YOU were that person. Oooof. How many times have I been that person?! Too many to count. I don’t like it, I’m not proud of it and it’s something I strive not to do. I want to be like Dennis, I want to take my son to the fire-station whether he remembers or not, because I said I would. Full stop. If my word is my honor, my commitment, then my actions need to prove that. You know I love cliches “actions speak louder than words” is what’s ringing in my ears.
So my action for you today is:
Think of a commitment you’ve made this week- to yourself or to someone else- could be small “I was going to take out the trash yesterday” or big “I was going to help my friend with their new career search”
Now… take one tiny action to keep your commitment: Set an alarm clock reminder for the trash (alarms are my favorite thing!) or text your friend to plan a 30 min call to discuss their career.
Sometimes, I find I can’t keep the commitment because I am overwhelmed and overplanned. You too? Then here’s something to build trust even if you can’t keep your plans- share honestly about where you are:
“Hi honey, I know I committed to being on trash-duty for the month out but I am feeling so burnt out I don’t have the energy for it this week. Could we talk tonight about the distribution of house-hold chores together to find a solution that works for our family this week?”
OR
“Hi friend, I want to support you with your career journey and I do not have the bandwidth to meet live for about a month. I could spend 15 mins this weekend reviewing your resume on my own time and sending you a note with my feedback, if that would be a helpful alternative?”
Of course you can adjust the message and the new commitment (you don't want to overcommit again and have to break that…again) but the sentiment is clear: I am a person of my word. If anything changes, I will tell you about it. Maybe we can find an alternative, and maybe we can’t but you can trust that I will be honest with you, and that is a little thing that matters.
P.S. They DID go to the fire station and he had the BEST time and came home a “junior firefighter” as his hat can prove to you :)
